Gracy Bee

My Great Grand Mother

Posted on May 20th, 2008 by GracyBee.
Categories: Memory Lane.

Been very quiet and not updating my blog for ages, been busy with work that can really drained me of my energy. Meantime, I’m also waiting for photoshop to be installed in my new computer, so updating of my Cambodia trip shall have to wait

 ^^^^^^

Feeling quite down today and feeling vexed to continue doing my work, I chanced upon a mum’s blog and I was reading her recent article of her dad’s passing away. I can feel her frustration and sadness, and most of all, was guilty stricken as she wrote she was not able to spend time with her dad as she is in other country with her husband (working overseas) and was not at his bedside during his last moment.

Reading her article has made me pondered and thought of those my beloved close relative’s passing. Of my lifetime, the closest relatives that I know had passed away were my grand great mother and maternal grandmother when I was in Pri and grand aunt abt 3 years ago.

Of the 3, I had not attended my great grand mother’s funeral,  because she died in China and at that time I was in Primary 3 and couldn’t travel due to some chinese’s beliefs that I don’t know of. And I didn’t think much abt it, until recently I felt that I missed her a lot despite the fact she was gone for nearly 20 years.

She was gone for that long already? I didn’t even realise that.

^^^^^^

Accordingly to my parents, she was my baby sitter from the day I was born till the day I was sent to Singapore for studies in 1986. I remember of her presence and my strongest memories of her was sitting at her dining table eating her dinner. As she was a strict vegetarian, she don’t have her meal together with the rest of us downstairs. I would always run to her when she was having her dinner. On her table, was the same dishes everyday without fail. The next I remembered was her little garden upstairs where she would go and do some watering in the evenings. Her friend who visited her frequently for gossip and companionship.

I was born into the traditional chinese belief that boys were much prefered than girls. Yet, despite that, I felt loved and taken care of by my GGM  and grandparents. Perhaps that was partially because we were the great grandchildren, but that was beside the point. Many of my childhood stories was told to my parents from my GGM. If she was not taking care of me, how were there so many stories to tell?

^^^^^^

Fast forward to the year 1986 when I was sent to Singapore for studies. I don’t remember much and  don’t know why my GGM was not in the picture when I left her. At that time, I was excited of my new surroundings that I don’t think abt my life in Malaysia.

It was only in recent years that my parents told me how upset my GGM was when she found out that we were sent to Spore for studies and was in daily arguments with them. Why was that not captured in my memory? After we were gone, she was looking forward for our return during our school holidays and demanded that we travelled in style when we come back.

The next thing I knew, she was back to China, and shortly after, the news of her death. It was told to me via my aunt in Spore. Strangely that time, I don’t feel much abt it.

 ^^^^^^

Again, it was in recent years that my parents revealed that my GGM demanded to go back to China just months before she can gain her PR in Msia and said that she missed home in China and don’t feel any more purpose to live in Msia. She refused to give in despite my grandfather and parent’s trying to convince to stay a bit longer. While she was packing, one of the things that she packed was our family photos, and my bro and myself’s protrait photo taking during that time. Think it was shortly after, she passed away at the age of 98.

Now that I know of all these, I felt guilty myself that I was not at her side and during her last moment. I was one of her loved great grand child, how can I not done the simplest thing to be with her? This question still ponder me: did she make the decision to go back China partially because we were not there by her side anymore? I haven’t even gone back to my ancestral village and visit her grave.

^^^^^^

Thinking back of her life, I really marvel at her determination and endurance. At a age of about 30+, she lost her husband, and came to Malaya to join my grandfather who has just found a business. I wonder how for the next 50 years, without any education, armed with only her Heng Hua dialect, not many people she know there and any known entertainment and technology she managed to live her life in Malaysia after leaving behind her home in China. Putting that into my own shoes, I know it was not a easy feat, after facing the similar situation when I went to England, and I was already living in the technology savvy 21st century!

I know that she was resourceful as she run the household and despite the age of 70 - 80+, she lived a healthy lifestyle and taking care of her grand children (my dad, uncles and aunts) and great grand children.

Now that I’m overseas to pursue my career, I faced the same struggle of not being able to be with family, in fact for the last 20 years. Should try my best to go back visit them as much as I can.

^^^^^^

I can’t undo the history, but the very least I can do is: Rest in Peace, my GGM. I have missed you all these while.

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The end of the year~

Posted on December 30th, 2007 by GracyBee.
Categories: Memory Lane.

Wow…….in just a day time, we would bid farewell to 2007, and welcome a brand new 2008!!

Couldn’t help but reflecting on what I have done/ experienced in the past.

So what I have done? Have complied selected pix………

2005

The summer in Birmingham. Then colleagues Tang and Leon are our best friends at work. Having farewell dinner the night before and take pix at the iconic building - Selfridges in Birmingham.

Revisited Lancaster, where I had spent 2 years for undergrad. This is Ashton Memorial - the equivalent of Taj Hahal in India. Lord Ashton built this in memory for his beloved 2nd wife. AAww….that is so sweet!!

Farewell dinner for me. Going home for the summer. With Mendez, Tim, Kossina and John

 

 

 

 

 

 

Winter in Birmingham. Rarely there is snow, but in recent years, snow has become a common sight. Taken this on my way home. On campus

Xmas party gathering

The yearly German Xmas fest in Birmingham City Centre

2006
Allen is going home for good to China. Held a farewell meal for him. Here with the crew of China House.

Chinese New Year Eve celebrations. Previous years I’m always working. This year, I made the exception by taking leave from work to celebrate.

Our table

Can’t do without the lion dance. But pity the dancers who has to performed in the cold

Party time!!

Another gathering. Always find time for gathering. This time in Cheryl’s place

My birthday. A rainbow shining and managed to get this shot at the uni campus.

My brothers, Clement, Lanx and Felix celebrated with me. Thanks so much, guys.

Been to London on various trips for various reasons. This trip is to meet new malaysians cum photo taking since previous one not so well taken.

Hyde Park (yup, very warm day)

Victoria Bridge ( Pple mistaken this as the famed London Bridge)

Nope, this is not the bridge haha

The BIg Ben and Parliament House

At Greenwich. I think this is the ship that was being burnt down

tMaritime Museum

The Greenwich Meridian we have learnt in school.

This is the position!

Where we stand

 

 

 

London’s Chinatown. Not the nicest and largest one in UK

Our little friend, can see them everywhere in the UK, not just London

Summer time!! Finally the time for outdoor activities!! BBQ time! We have more gathering this year due to some of us, including myself leaving UK for good.

Good time to visit the famous theme park: Alton Towers. A must go if you are in the Midlands!

With Michelle, our then Branch Manager and Xiuchuan. She is the best I have worked for, and the other crew in our team.

There are more pix, but i guess that will do for now. I really miss all of you and the great time we had, my dear friends. Do take care!

Happy New Year!

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Farewell, the 5 paddlers

Posted on November 30th, 2007 by GracyBee.
Categories: Memory Lane.

It was such a sad news -the 5 who perished in Cambodia after the Dragon Boat race.

They are so young, so promising and optimistic. And yet they have to go in such a manner. Life is so cruel.

May all of you rest in peace…….

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Lost N Found!!

Posted on October 7th, 2007 by GracyBee.
Categories: Memory Lane.

Phew, what a hectic period at work! Don know why, been feeling tired at work lately. Thus, I was looking forward for my 3 days break and I have managed to arrange to meet my primary school friends I have not seen for 15 years!!

I felt apprehensive, frankly speaking. Like would I recognise them? How much they have changed? Will that 15 year long gap make any difference to the friendship etc etc

I met KW 1st in Orchard MRT. I tell you, no matter how much the person changes, there is still a bit of him that remind me of the then him. hahah…..well, he recognised me 1st!! Then we went to Far East Plaza to meet JH to have Korean cuisine, SU restaurant, as recommended by E.

Hot Korean Tea, tasted like half cofee, half tea

The side dishes - Yummy!!

Rice and herbal chicken soup

Oh gosh, it was a wonderful feeling to see old friends again. It was like yesterday I last seen them and we just get on to talk like old times. We caught up with each other’s activities and talked about old memories. Each of us have their own portion of memories and after we shared with each other, it struck to me: ‘oh yah ho…..i nearly forgot!’ When we mentioned names of the people we remembered, we were: yes yes, there is such a person! don noe how they are now!’ ahaha…conversations went on~ What are the names that sprang out? Dengli, Caiyun, Yujiao, Shanshan, Pauline, Qiye, Guihao, Guiqi, Liping, Liyuan, Lairong, Pinyao, Rongfeng, Lianyu, and few others. Where are all of you?

Then my dear old old best friend, E came to meet us in Coffee Bean in Paragon. We finally found each other via friendster. Well, we all found each other thru friendster!! Though it was only for 2 hours we meet, I felt so happy to see her again.

During our time in Primary school, there is no such thing as Internet. Thus, to keep in contact, we exchanged telephones numbers and addresses that time. However that can get obsolete and they get changed and we not informed. Thus, I’m really grateful to the internet and friendster to find our friends back again.

Had a great time, guys! Must meet again next time!!

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Miki

Posted on July 2nd, 2007 by GracyBee.
Categories: Memory Lane.

I can’t sleep and don’t know why Miki was on my mind now, and miss him terribly. I briefly mentioned Miki in my previous blog. He was our dog which died in 1994. I have some pix of him, but needed a scanner so the pix would be uploaded later.

No, this is not Miki, but look similar.

Courtesy from www.gotpetsonline.com

Here’s a little tribute to my dear old dog.

He came to us, my aunt’ family when I was in Primary 2 - year 1987. Yup, it was during the time I just came to Singapore and was facing difficult times. Miki was like god send to us. At the beginning, he was eager to know us as his family, including my brother & I.

At that time, we had no friends, no phone calls, no going out etc. During our lonely days, he was our constant companion. Be it play, or just be with us. With his arrival, our lives then began to be more lively and cheerful, as he never failed to make us laugh and smiled. Our Miki was very mischievious but his antics never failed to cheer our days. He always welcomed us when we reached home from school. I can never forget how happy he was when we came back from holidays in Msia. His tail would wag like broken tail losing control. We would always say that Miki is just a human being the only thing is that, he can’t talk.

I remembered that ….

- He hate being alone at home and always whined after we went out.

- He know who he hated and who he loved most in the family

- His favourite games: ball and bone fetching, snake attack, hide & seek

- He get jealous when we say hello to other dogs. He always do spot check when we reached home, using his ultra sensitive nose sensor…haha

- He hate people to wake up other people. He would come in defense when one of us approached a zzz person

- He also hated the cane that when he saw us going to be caned, he was there to the rescue and go against the caner. Wow…was he fierce at that time! Oh yah…he also understand ‘beat’ and ’scold’ and come to defense at the lighting speed

-he was always wary of guests living in the house. He would be like a spy to follow them whereever they go. It is ok when they were in the living room, but once they get up to go to the direction of the room, he would bark at them…

-he also know how to complain by whining to my aunt, after he got scolded by guests…haha

-He was quite timid which was scared of cats & foreign objects

-He can get panic when in the crowd and keep checking if we were still within sight from him.

-he loved food and always forbid us to go to kitchen when my aunt cooked his favourite dish

-he always tried futile attempts to dig our tiled floor to bury his bone and in the end get mad

-he bit his own nails

-he chose where to sleep at night, and climb onto the bed to sleep minutes before our scheduled waking up time.

-he ‘knocked’ the door by scratching the sides of the door

-he was wary of the food given by people he don’t know and even test if the food is poisoned by observing us when we eat

-He hate the vacuum cleaner as we once said the cleaner is going to suck him up.

-He get quite vain and like to be ‘handsome’

-he enjoyed massage and stroking session from us.

-he would take avenge if he was accused wrongly. How? by urinating at the property of that person who scolded him. Ah..NAUGHTY!

-he knew when we were upset or angry and would come to sit beside us, look at us silently and wagging his tail, as if trying to console us.

Alas…..there are so much more.

Then, one day in 1994, at that time I remembered preparing and during our mid year exam, he became sick and had high fever. We were quite worried but din send for the doctor yet. At that time, we din take him to the vet at all throughout his life.

He was not his hyperactive self and would sleep all day. When we came back home, he wanted to welcome us like he used to, but was so much a struggle for him to walk just one step. Oh…it was painful to see him like that. We would go up to him instead and he would weakly wag his tail. Then there were blood in his urine. Then we knew that he had kidney problems and might go anytime. I don’t bear to see that, and everyday I came home, I would always check if he is still around.

Then we decided to take him to the vet and he was so kuai that when he wanna vomit, he would turn to the outside of the window to vomit..What a sensible dog! He was better and back to his hyperself again after the visit to the vet. We were so happy with that!

But the next day, he weaken drastically and my cousin and I took him to see the vet again, but he collapsed halfway and eyes half closed. We decided to take him back to the house, at least we let him die at home.

Oh…what a sad sight, he looked at us longingly and sadly as if to tell us to take care as he is leaving. But we could see that he was struggling to stay alive. Then we realised that it was about time that my cousin brother was coming home and seem wanting to see him before he go. But he can’t make it anymore and died just 10 mins before he came home. Oh…how our hearts break and cried. He was like part of our family and I felt that one part of me was taken away.

We called for the …… I forgot what the person is called and while we waited for him, Miki was lying in the living room. He came and took away Miki. I don’t know where he was taking him and I regretted to this day that I din ask where he was taking him to.

The house was dead quiet without Miki. We decided not to have another dog as we knew that we wouldn’t get another dog like him again. Many a time, I saw dogs in other people’s houses and always play with them. But alas, they don’t come close to Miki.

To this day, I would still remember his dying moment and still felt sad & emotions come over me. No matter where you are, Miki, I want to let you know that you are still alive in my heart. I loved you like one of my family member. May you rest in peace.

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School Years II

Posted on June 20th, 2007 by GracyBee.
Categories: Memory Lane.

SECONDARY SCHOOL

I was enrolled into Zhonghua Sec Sch. After I managed to get thru PSLE, I counted myself lucky and decide to work hard.

I remembered I felt scared and waited for my Pri Sch mates to go with me. They are in same class as me! Lucky!

Years went by with all sorts of incidents happening. Some are unpleasant, I have to say, but there are some that are pleasant. What are those?

PERSONALITY

As I was a very bossy and fierce person, I try to change my behaviour when in Sec Sch. I think I did improved, but old habits sometimes still die hard… At that time, I slowly to learn to control my temper. Still sometimes, I thought that being fierce is the way to control, but no………that is not the best way!

I worked extra hard, and managed to get good results. But that sometimes served as my achievement and enemy at the same time.

I was an ultra kuai girl as I had strict curfew that I can’t go out with friends etc etc. Thinking back, it was quite a good training, though I still prefer a little leeway somewhere there.

FRIENDSHIP

Friendship can be quite a tricky business while in School. While I did managed to find some good friends that I can share my thoughts and secrets and still keep in contact till now, there are some I would call the fair weather friends and those hi-bye friends. I do remember the pain when you realised the betrayal coming to you or the unusual treatments you get for no reason. Perhaps got to do with my personality which I don’t deny but there are some occasions I think were a bit too much.

Experiences to learn!! While I faced dismay, I do felt blessed to know many other good friends too. Thank you my dear friends!

DEATH OF MY SCHOOL & CLASS MATES

When I was Sec 1, I remembered 2 incidents vividly. 2 of my school mates died on seperated occasions, both shocking. One died while celebrating her birthday due to asthma attack; the other drowned while taking swimming exam (I was in the same swimming class)

I remembered feeling shocked and disbelief. One day I saw them alive and well, laughing and chatting with friends, walking around sch campus and the next day heard the news they passed away. Though I don’t know them personally, in my heart, I hope they RIP.

Another incident was my classmate, who joined us halfway when I was in Sec 5. I was not around when she was enrolled. But when I came back, I knew she was a sickly child, and cos of that, she din managed to take her O levels and so ‘retained’ and come to our class to take her exams. She was with us for nearly 3 mths and I remembered that after the June holidays, Temasek Poly accepted her despite not having O levels. However that good news din last long as she had a relapse and passed away.

I couldn’t believe my ears when I heard the news. She was starting to be part of us already and out of the sudden, she was gone. It was like one part of me was torn away. It felt so painful and unbelievable when we went to church to see her resting peacefully in her coffin.

It has been nearly 11 years since you have passed on, Laurette, but you still remained in my heart. I remembered your strong will, optimistism and cheerfulness despite having a deadly illness in you. I looked up to you for that sense and thank you. May you rest in peace.

TREASURER

I was put a treasurer in the Prefectorial Board. I was surprised to be ‘promoted’ to that level. At that time, the PB was facing financial problems, and so I decided to take charge to collect the funds. Looking back, I remembered I was quite strict with the money collection that my nick name was ‘Loan shark’. hahah…

ACCOUNTING CLASS

I was in the accounting class in Upper Sec. It was quite a class to attend as we had a very strict but nice tutor. Every time in class, we feared to be the target to answer questions, and those who can’t answered: have to stay back…hehehe…..Yup, I was part of it too! And our weekly test and the average time limit: 20 min to do the accounting questions. PHEW…… but challenging!

CAMPS, OBS & NACTI CAMPS

We had quite a few camps: 1 sch camp, one Outward Bound and 2 leadership training NACTI (now known as NACLI). Those was the fun times I had while in School. A break away from sch routine, yup fun! fun! fun!

ACCIDENT

Nope, not those road accidents, but an accident that happened in Physics lab. Things happened, and a straw liked tube went through my palm and ooooops…….that caused quite a stir in school! My principal decided to take me to the hospital to have that foreign body removed. She is kind to let me have her small piece of bread, but since doc say no no operation after I ate something, I gotta wait for 8 hrs b4 the operation. Woah liao…….gotta hold that thing for 8 hours, quite uncomfortable though no pain, no blood…strange eh?

My whole arm was bandaged and couldn’t write for 1 mth. I took 1 mth MC too. That was when Laurette joined us.

I was lucky to buy the sch insurance for $3 each and my hospital bill was compensated….ahhh…thanks Mrs Chua for let us buying that insurance!!

ok ok….those are what I remembered for now. Will update!

Sec sch life: bitter and sweet memories, but that was one of my best experiences ever that I was sad to leave when we graduated.

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School Years

Posted on June 20th, 2007 by GracyBee.
Categories: Memory Lane.

Woah….can be quite a feat that have to dig out the past memories way from Pri Sch. Well, let me try~

PRIMARY SCHOOL

Chong De Primary School: the sch I was enrolled. It has been demolished nearly 8 years ago, but some memories still lingered.

I started school quite late, as I remembered I was still at home when my bro already started and after that, I joined in like much later. I was lost in school and was crying and walked round and round till one senior guided me to my class: 1BB. heh……don’t even know who he was and his name.

Life after that was fun. I made friends with my classmates and get quite talkactive, loud mouth and bossy. haha….I was like that when I was young. Geez……..how childish that was!!

I remembered few of my classmates from different levels going into different sessions; changing schools or moving houses and hence transfer to another school. Was quite traumatic as we couldn’t bear to leave our dear friends at that time. Now we totally lost touched with each other.  How are you all doing now?

I met my 1st love when I was in P3. Ah…sweet memory

I was very active that I joined librarian, skipping team and a prefect.  Before sch started, we always gathered with other sch mates and played 4 stones, skipping, zero point, doing prefect duties, delivering milk to class etc. Ah……nice time…

I started to slack when I went up to Pri 3. Thinking that I was clever etc etc, my results deteoriated through the 3 years. My turning point was my preliminary exam when I failed my maths. I was so scared that I started to buck up for that 1 mth b4 the real exam started. Geez….managed to get through.  So end my Primary sch days.

Strongest memory of myself at that time: fierce, bossy, talkactive and insensitive. (arghh…)

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Seoul Garden

Posted on June 18th, 2007 by GracyBee.
Categories: Memory Lane.

Today is my colleague P’s birthday, and we went to celebrate in Seoul Garden in Marina Square, after much debates and discussion.

8 of us went and had a great time catching up with each other as we don’t meet each other quite often at work. After that, we went to visit the Esplanade and the Merlion. haha…..the Merlion still look so young after 20 years!!! haha

^^^^^^

Seoul Garden held much fond memories for me. During my JC years, that was the place my classmates and I would go when we finished school early or decided to pontang (ooops!) class. Then we had the student’s prices to go for and we always had a great time there eating, chatting and relaxing.

AAhh…..school days, kinda missing it sometimes, those relaxing days…

2 comments.

Early Years II

Posted on June 12th, 2007 by GracyBee.
Categories: Memory Lane.

While my cousins and I loved one another and were best play mates, our parents were not in the same position as us. The family pressures and problems thus lead to a big change in my life forever.

^^^^^^

At the tender age, my bro & I was sent over to Singapore for education. A lot of people mistaken that our family was rich and hence afford for overseas education. Sorry folks, that is not true. In my previous post I did mentioned that my parents was just handed over a business laden with debts. YES, with debts and family problems that my parents has to work doubly hard and take up extra jobs to pay our fees and expenses. WHY? so that we wouldn’t faced with unnecessary pressure from home. What a irony that while our GGM doted on us, our uncles & their wives were the different stories.

^^^^^^

Anyway I wondered how I have agreed to such arrangement to go foreign land. I only remembered this day.

One hot day in year 1985

In the car

Mum: Do you want to go Singapore to study?
Me: (holidaying??) YESSS!
Mum: ok

That was it really. Before I knew it, we were brought to Singapore and started our official schooling in Primary school. Still as blur as sotong, we didn’t even realise mum and dad not with us in Singapore. Perhaps we were not always with parents most of the time that was why we don’t quite miss them??

Now when I think back, I think that was quite a scary arrangement, esp for a 7 year old. Phew!!

^^^^^^

I stayed with my aunt (mom’s eldest sister). While staying there, we knew that we don’t quite belong to the family and so some arguements did existed between my aunt and her family; or us and her family. I think she faced quite tremendous pressure at that time. So at the beginning, I have to admit things weren’t going quite smoothly for about 2 years. I know my aunt loved us as her children, but sometimes the pressures don’t come from her but from her family. Thus I had what I called the strictest curfew which I don’t wish to mention here.

^^^^^^

During this time, they got a dog named Miki and he was a blessing to us. He treated us as his family and he was our main source of comfort and companion when we were feeling down. With him around, our lives did get better and I think he was the source that put us together as a family, though not yet a good one.

Despite all that, I did enjoy my school and life in Singapore as years flew so much that I have embraced Singapore as my home and my aunt’s family as mine. I have made good friends along the way too. (though there are some not so nice friendships, but hey, part and parcel of life)

^^^^^^

It was not till when I went up to JC and the birth of my niece that I thoroughly enjoyed my life in Singapore. I have my new freedom: I control my own money, has my own set of keys for the 1st time, the new niece into the family, the relationship I had that time made my life more complete.

I was in Singapore for the duration of 13 years.

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Early years part I

Posted on June 12th, 2007 by GracyBee.
Categories: Memory Lane.

It is time for me to jot my childhood memories before I forget about them completely.

I was born into an extended family consisting of my great grand mother, grandparents, parents (of coz), my uncles and aunts. At that time, my brother and me were the only children in the family.

^^^^^^

I have heard stories from many sources about my childhood. The day I was born, my great grand mother and maternal grandmother was not too happy for different reasons. The first, as she favoured boys more than girls, was disappointed and the worst, why I was a girl when I looked so much like a boy!! The second thought I looked ugly for a girl. ok~~ no comments about that, but I do have people coming to my mother when I was older and ask where her 2nd son is (My mother has one son and one daughter). And they don’t believe when my mother pointed the 2nd child is me. OK a good indication how I used to look like when I was young.

(more…)

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